[Girl from Willy Wonka turns into a blueberry]
Wonka: Call in The Blue Man Group!
[Blue Man Group rolls her out while singing Eiffle 65]

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PMS is just an excuse women use to eat all the good snacks & occasionally when committing murder.


Say what you will about Kylo Ren, but you have to appreciate his Han die coordination.


I asked a blonde friend to check if my blinker was working, her reply was ‘Yes, it is. No, it’s not. Yes, it is. No, it’s not.’


*conducting job interview* And what would you say your biggest weakness is? Other than that haircut.


No thanks, I’m not hungry right now. I’ll just wait until after you put it away and sit down. Then I’ll have some.



Hey y’all, I finally got a smart phone. I’m a big girl now!

Anyone got a 5 year old I can borrow to teach me how to use the damn thing?


[cuddling w/ 5 yr old son]
I hope he wants to do this forever
[25 yrs later]
this has lost its charm


half the posts I see are people planning to go completely feral this summer and the other half are folks concerned that they’ll be permanently agoraphobic. I, for one, will be doing both