@

a:2:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:”user”;s:11:”J0hnnyBlaze”;s:5:”image”;s:90:”http://a0.twimg.com/profile_images/3031129469/e6b90560ea56fb150f5a77fe8c7a14cc_bigger.jpeg”;s:6:”id_str”;s:18:”336301334074638336″;s:7:”retweet”;s:3:”388″;s:5:”tweet”;s:137:”Girl: Hi
Guy: Hey
Girl brain: What did he mean? Is he in love with me? I need to analyze this for hours with my gfs
Guy brain: I’d do her”;}s:7:”retweet”;i:0;}

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@IamEnidColeslaw

The story of Snow White teaches us something very important: NEVER eat fruit.

@CMHorrocks

These racing car drivers are making a lot of pit stops.
You’d think they would have went before the race.

@ItsAndyRyan

I’ve asked a few people now what IDGAF stands for and I can’t say anyone’s replies have been that helpful.

@ShoutingGoddess

You hurt the feelings of a person who was once the crush of a person who was once a friend of mine so you’re a BAD person.

~ internet logic

@DRUNKdadding

“Sure, you can wear shorts to preschool today.”
-the reason I am sleeping on the couch right now

@tweetsbyrocket

cop: were you texting and driving

me: no i was playing go

cop: go?

me: [speeding off] if you say so

@faggrat

time zones are so weird like, australia is already in 2018, europe still in 2017 and the US in 1950…so weird lmaoo

@helenrclarkson

There is a drunk woman on the tube throwing After Eights at everyone and, in the most British way possible, everyone is pretending they aren’t being hit on the head by tiny chocolatey squares (which hurts by the way) and not looking at anyone else in the eye.

@parkersJoking

[at Dr. appointment]

Dr.: yeah looks like you have too much acid in your diet.

Me: JESUS CHRIST DOC YOUR FACE IS MELTING

@skedaddle74

Jack and Jill went up the hill to catch the first flight off of this planet.