@SortaBad: Girl I wanna be strangely inside you just like the 'meow' in homeowner
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@SaddestTiger: im an adult! i make my own bedtimes! i'll stay up all night and function at a fraction of my capacity! like a giant grown-up lethargic baby!
@psybermonkey: Friend: Are you free this weekend? Me: That's not how this works. First you tell me what you had in mind and then I respond with either a "yeah" or a dishonest excuse
@david8hughes: [describing criminal to sketch artist] He wore the grin of a man who has never fallen off a ladder. His knees felt like reheated custard.