Billy Joel seems remarkably unfazed by the old man sitting next to him making love to his tonic and gin.
Girl, tonight I’m gonna let my body do all the talking..
*squishes flab together to make a mouth out of my bellybutton* HELLOOO! LA LA LAA!
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Me: That guy is a bad apple.
6-year-old: He’s a person.
Me: I just meant he’s mean.
6: Probably because you called him an apple.
*Brings a dozen unsliced bagels to a knife fight*
“Hey, a little help here?”
COP: any drugs in the car
ME: APRIL FOOL’S
If yahoo! hasn’t given up then why should I??
Once a teacher said nobody was buying my cool guy act but he dropped his clipboard and there was a drawing of me in sunglasses on it.
John: Hey Jude…
Paul: Don’t make it bad
George: Take a sad song…
Ringo: So weird how coffee is yummy hot or cold but gross in-between
My mom keeps asking questions like ‘When you gonna be famous?’ I tell her, ‘As soon as they find the bodies.’
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn’t even apply for the job.
Chameleons have a hard time getting good photos of other chameleons because they’re too small to hold cameras