@MichaelTrying
Billy Joel seems remarkably unfazed by the old man sitting next to him making love to his tonic and gin.
@looktothepickle
Girl, tonight I’m gonna let my body do all the talking..
*squishes flab together to make a mouth out of my bellybutton* HELLOOO! LA LA LAA!
You Might Also Like
@MichaelTrying
@XplodingUnicorn
Me: That guy is a bad apple.
6-year-old: He’s a person.
Me: I just meant he’s mean.
6: Probably because you called him an apple.
@Mardigroan
*Brings a dozen unsliced bagels to a knife fight*
“Hey, a little help here?”
@ClichedOut
COP: any drugs in the car
ME: no
COP: ok
ME: APRIL FOOL’S
@kanakhey
If yahoo! hasnโt given up then why should I??
@ceejoyner
Once a teacher said nobody was buying my cool guy act but he dropped his clipboard and there was a drawing of me in sunglasses on it.
@SortaBad
John: Hey Jude…
Paul: Don’t make it bad
George: Take a sad song…
Ringo: So weird how coffee is yummy hot or cold but gross in-between
@Storminika
My mom keeps asking questions like ‘When you gonna be famous?’ I tell her, ‘As soon as they find the bodies.’
@Robert_Beau
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn’t even apply for the job.
@LlamaInaTux
Chameleons have a hard time getting good photos of other chameleons because they’re too small to hold cameras