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@AmericanGent69: Girlfriend: *reading beautiful love poem in German*
Me: STOP YELLING AT ME
@BetteMidler: Donald Trump calls on Hillary to shut down her foundation. Meanwhile, we’re all still begging him to choose a more natural color for his.
@NotJPo: I just ate so much Chinese food that now I'm able to use algorithms based on linear algebra to solve large numerical systems.
@ItsAndyRyan: "Can you tell me what the second to last letter in the alphabet is?"
"So I can make a stupid joke"
@brynnester: [First Date]
Her: *shyly* I like a man with a big dong
Me: *rings the largest of my musical bells* How was that?
@bobvulfov: doctor: and are u sexually active
puppet: he is not
doctor: i cant mark it down on the chart if it doesn't come out of ur mouth
me (sadly putting my puppet down): i am not