@JKNenagh
@shawn_spree
This 8 year old kid at McDonald’s just ordered coffee. I hate to think the hell of the day he is having.
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@shawn_spree
@Truculent67
Dear people who manually retweet, I hope the next time you’re about to get laid someone steps in and does it for you
@Erik_Bergstrom
Children are our future. Clean burning. Renewable. Children.
@Cali_Kid_Mike
Yesterday I told my aunt that DTF means “Doing the Facebook”. Her daily posts are much more entertaining now.
@KimmyMonte
Jaws (1975): A shark gets annoyed because a bunch of people break into the ocean
@ThugRaccoons
Doctor: That pain in your side is nothing more than a strained oblique.
Me: A strained what now?
Doctor: Love handle. You pulled your love handle.
@wankcity
I definitely could NOT be a surgeon. blood freaks me out when I’m high
@AmishPornStar1
When the zombies finally come, I’m putting ”ORGANIC” stickers on all the vegans…
Y’know, to buy myself some time.
@PetiteRainCity
Either my cat is speaking English or that was not a vitamin I took….
@Cpez38
*points w/ middle finger*
“Sure, take this road for about another mile, pull over & go ask someone else”
– Me giving directions.