@StevieKnip: Girls like guys who take charge: ask her out, plan a date, take a hostage, overthrow a government, nuke her ex's hometown, buy her a puppy
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Serrano___: Flight attendant: Is there a doctor on this flight? Dad: *nudging me* that should've been you Me: Not now Dad Dad: Not asking for a bilingual journalist to help, are they? Flight attendant: We need a Spanish translator Me: *puts book down*
@IAmKatieOrr: HELLO? HELP! I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED & DROPPED IN A NON-ENGLISH-SPEAKING COUNTRY & I DON'T KNOW- wait. Nm. Fell asleep at Szechuan Palace again.
@Brentweets: I almost choken on food and the whole time it was happening I was just thinking "What a cliche way for a fat person to die of"
@Alex_N_Chains: I think at this point, a pterodactyl egg has better odds of getting laid than I do.