Wife-CAN YOU CLEAN UP?
Me-*Quietly mutters- I don’t work for you!
3-*runs out of room yelling-
DADDY SAYS HE DOESN’T WORK FOR YOU!
Give a dog a bone and he’ll be like,
“Oh wow, I love these, thanks”
Teach a dog to bone and he’ll be like, “dude, I got this”
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Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet. He scares the shit out of it.
just weaponized “with all due respect” at my condo board. and now we wait.
[At a San Francisco Dance Club]
*Grinds cute girl in a mini-skirt*
Hey baby, what’s your name?
I realized she might be too young when I asked her the time..
And she said..
“The big hand is on the….”
“You snooze, you lose.”
Mother in law found me… On the twitter
This will be converted into a pineapple upside down cake blog for the next 72 hours.
I’m so sorry
Alright, Mr. “In good times and in bad” I just painted my finger nails and I gotta pee. Let’s go.
When your lawyer’s lawyer has a lawyer and that lawyer has a “spokesman”…
You’re probably into some shady shit!
I melted down all my various rewards cards into a universal “Rewards Dagger” that gets me a discount everywhere.