Give a man a baby, and he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to baby, and i think this saying only works for fish actually.

You Might Also Like


Ex picked up the kids, brought me coffee & took out my trash.

This divorce thing is really working out for me.


A man just shouted at me until I answered his questionnaire on christianity. He scared the b) Jesus out of me.


“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME!” he screamed at his phone. Everyone else on the train hugged their phones a bit closer.



Me: can you please keep that awful noise down?

Contractor: for the last time, sir, we don’t control who’s running for president.


Priest: They’ve written their vows

Wife: *recites beautiful vows*

Me: *takes out notecard* I love you and cheese the same amount


Guy: Welcome to mercenary training. Tell me why you’re here

Man: Money

Woman: Money

Me: *wearing swim floaties* Drove to the wrong YMCA


I am far too familiar with the bathroom floor to ever be judgemental of anyone else’s life decisions.


Whenever I get sick, I get my immune system drunk so it will fight anything.