@crunkdumpster

Give a man a fish and he’ll be like,
“Dude I’m allergic to fish.”
TEACH a man to fish and he’ll be like,
“THTOP I THAID IM ALLERGIC TO FITH”

You Might Also Like

@mamamia6212

My 2 yo is currently having the biggest tantrum I’ve ever seen! He’s mad I will not let him open & eat the box of candy* he found.

*tampons

@joeljeffrey

I bought a second scale to weigh my first scale so I can show it how it feels.

@donni

Music is a scam. You can listen to all kinds of other noises for free

@dumbbeezie

Goodnight everyone except the guy who invented that thing that shows that you are typing something

@Jake_Vig

It’s not an argument. I’m right, and you’re just saying things.

@AsYouNotWish

I want 2 kids just in case the first one doesn’t get enough likes on Instagram.

@Mr_Kapowski

I didn’t want the cop to see that my car’s registration tags weren’t current but apparently swerving erratically got his attention too

@TheMichaelRock

I’ll stop calling you a racist if you stop bragging about all the marathons you run.

@Tmoney68

[Job Interview]

Boss: What’s your biggest weakness?

Me: *pulls laminated card out & hands it to him*

Card: “My over-preparedness.”

@eliyudin

I have a great vocabulary, just ask my um female dad