@thesulk: Pizza Hut ad: "Do you want the same old same old, or do you want the original?" Think about these words.

@mommajessiec: While I was driving, my 4-year-old threw a shoe and honked the car horn and has officially outdone my husband as the worst back seat driver.

@UtilityLimb: some tweets get big favs but no RTs. why? [camera pans to dog in lab coat high up on a distant ledge. we're too far away to hear his answer]

@envydatropic: It's cute how I ordered 2 drinks and the bartender asked if I wanted to wait for the other person to be seated

@ShootyDoody: Interviewer: So, what makes you think you're a good candidate for this Automotive Shop? Me: I tire easily.