Roses are niggas. Violets are niggas. I’m Lil Wayne, And niggas ryhmes with niggas.
Give it to me straight
“I’d really like to have sex with you-”
Now give it to me gay
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What we study in class vs. what’s on the exam paper
It takes two months to get fat and two years to get in shape.
Science is a lie.
I have a friend who doesn’t drink coffee, so to stay alert at work he gets a healthy amount of sleep each night. What a loser
Lady: he’s so mysterious
Lady2: I wonder what he’s thinking
[Me, just wondering how easy it’d be to convert a nerf gun to fire meatballs]
Damn girl, are you an old ATM touchscreen? ‘Cause I’m pushing ALL the wrong buttons.
I put hydrogen peroxide on a cut to show 7 it doesn’t MOTHER OF GOD WHAT IS THIS STUFF MADE FROM THE BLOOD OF PIRANHAS?! IT BURNS, IT BURNS!
My son on the morning of his prom: “Well, it just occurred to me that I paid $130 to go to my school at night.”
I don’t understand how wild bears can eat all that salmon without a squeeze of lemon and some sea salt.
Don’t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you’re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.