Your Daily Dose Of Unadulterated Funny Tweets

@kelkulus

Batman Begins Twerking #AddaWordRuinaMovie

@SvnSxty

*august*

y’all need jesus

*christmas ads start*

not like that

@chuuew

[stirring sparkling water with a hot dog] I wouldn’t say the lottery win changed me

@Hormonella

Twitter is the new flypaper.

@TheSpookyKiwi

Comets are just rocks that are like really really mad at you.

@noellebean

I love how when you walk through a spider web, you all of the sudden know Kung Fu.

@ThisOneSayz

The person who named the eggplant must have been:

a) Colorblind, and
b) Totally high

@DianaWintah

White people

@simoncholland

My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it’s my fault.

@BubblesnBooze

My phone just changed CrossFit to Croissant, this phone really knows me better than any human.