Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
*Giving TED talk*
Me: *points at guy* sir, reach under your chair!
*he does and a mousetrap snaps*
Me: trust no one
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Twitter should come with a “MAY CONTAIN NUTS” warning when you open the app.
I was terrified when my son started driving alone, but then realized he could get dinner and grocery shop. I’m good now.
We accidentally made a baby.
We accidentally made a pizza.
Cashier: Will that be all?
Me: No. I’m getting everything like an easter egg hunt, I just wanted to show you what I’ve got so far.
me: what makes you angry
pirate: when someone steals my p
imagine a store where you can steal anything for free. if you steal it, it’s yours. to make it exciting, if you get caught, they arrest you
It turns out that the Circle of Life doesn’t mean a donut, I’m so confused.
The get rich or die trying philosophy on life is going terribly one sided for me.
After Samsung phones, now Samsung washing machines are exploding. Samsung is now the third biggest nuclear power after US and Russia.