@Reverend_Scott

[Glass slipper fits on ugly girl with same shoe size as Cinderella]

Prince Charming: Um… well. Tell ya what, I’m gonna keep on looking.

You Might Also Like

@rorynotroy

id be so offended if a group of ppl just rolled through my room on safari rn as im lounging in bed and just pointed at me and took pictures

@Feisty___One

I am not a ride or die chick.
I have questions. Where we going? Will there be food? Why do I have to die? Why didn’t you like my last pic?..

@DarthPutinKGB

Men who claim to only watch the #SuperBowl for the ads are the same ones who say they only read Playboy for the articles.

@ItsFunnyLife

Roses are red. Monsters are green. Just look in the mirror. You’ll know what I mean.

@drinksmcgee

The Elm Street Daycare Centre has a strict “no naptime” policy.

@ayyyyloser

“And then she kissed the frog and saw him turn into a prince, because kissing frogs makes you hallucinate.”

-me as a babysitter

@HenpeckedHal

When there are only 6 slices of pizza left and it seems kind of silly to wrap them up and put them in the fridge so you go ahead and finish them

@TheToddWilliams

[wine and cheese]

HOST: Welcome, can I offer you a glass of wine?

370 RATS IN A TRENCHCOAT: We’ll start with the cheese thanks

@Rica_Bee

Me: now kiddo, what do we say when we accidentally knock someone’s drink over?

5y/o: (eyes downcast) “goddamnit”