“Did you remember to take the dog out?”
Ah crap, I forgot
[Dog storms in] I sat at the restaurant for HOURS
Go ahead and knock food that contains GMOs in the meantime this hotdog just started my car.
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If you can’t tell the difference between “erotic” & “exotic” then zoo keeping is definitely not for you.
[creating the Octopus]
Angel: How about a spider in a wetsuit?
God: Weird but I like it. Make it edible.
[1st ever peacock to open up his tail]
hey fellas, I dunno what it is, but
i. feel. fantastic.
Pro Tip: If you don’t have a mask, wearing a jock strap on your face tends to keep people at least 6 feet away from you.
Keanu Reeves: THERE’S A BOMB ON THE BUS! IF WE GO UNDER 50MPH WE’LL EXPLODE!
Me: [while maintaining eye contact, presses “Next Stop” signal]
Guy: Why ride a rollercoaster when you can ride me?
Me: Because a rollercoaster can actually make me scream.
If I ever say, “Do you want me to be honest?” Say no.
I heard if you click that little follow button, Twitter releases one of the captive birds it uses for its logo. Do the right thing.
*emailing professor after exams*
it hAs been An Awesome And greAt yeAr thAnks for the AmAzing clAss you hAve tAught me A lot