My sister is holding her baby in one hand and a cup of Starbucks in the other, I’m going to toss her phone at her to see who gets dropped.
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“Omg I have a cat?”
Don’t worry if you had a bad day, remember there are people who have their ex’s name tattooed.
Why isn’t a fleet of helicopters just called hellacopters.
I’m just playing devils avocado here
“Make it rain” is the only appropriate response when asked if you want parmesan cheese.
Me, at a romantic movie: pffft like that would ever happen
Me, at any other genre movie: YES I ABSOLUTELY ACCEPT THIS OUTLANDISH SCENARIO
I tried saving a cat in a tree but the darn thing wouldn’t accept Jesus.
Just overheard a guy say he was buying a MacBook so he doesn’t have to worry about the Ebola virus. What.
me: don’t call me that it’s creepy
gf: Sorry Baby
me: that’s better