@upsidedowntrash

[God creating lizards]
God: How about a snake with arms and legs?
Snake: [trys to throw its arms up in disgust, but just remains very still]

[God creating lizards]
God: How about a snake with arms and legs?
Snake: [trys to throw its arms up in disgust, but just remains very still]

- @upsidedowntrash

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ME: how can i prepare for my date

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ME: definitely roses, we’re not ready for kids yet

@kumailn

“Oh you like this cake? (*Tosses cake out the window*) Oops.” – Game of Thrones

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@DanMentos

“do you know why I pulled one over on you?”
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@GohansMom

Me: *buying leggings* I need these for my marathon!
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@jsteele3966

*knocks on woman’s washroom*

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*no one answers*

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HAHAHA

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@Sickayduh

DAD: You know, no one in this city is allowed to be buried in that cemetery
ME: Wtf why not?
DAD: Because *locking eyes* they’re still alive