“Sorry, that was my bad.”
“Your bad what?”
“No. I’m just sayin’: Sorry. My bad.”
“You’re bad at completing an apologetic sentence?”
God grant me the dgaf to lol at the things I can’t even, the swag to yolo the things I can, and the lifehacks to know the difference
You Might Also Like
Credit card company called to ask about some charges on my statement.
It wasn’t a fraud check. They were just questioning my life choices.
I haven’t had a good nights sleep since I started wondering what holds up those blocks in Mario.
I tried to think of a funny caption for this but nothing could improve it
[tense situation in the war room]
“Ok now type in the nuke codes EXACTLY as I say them or it’ll blow.1-4-7-teen”
I do the pee pee dance anytime I hear running water just like any other human.
Me: it’s not illegal
Cop, staring at my trunk filled with creamy peanut butter: It’s just… SO. MUCH.
Me: but it’s not illegal
Cop: no, no it’s not
Him: Tell me something interesting about yourself.
Me: If my head got run over by a truck, it would explode like a watermelon.
Me: My wife says I never pay attention
Her: I’m not your wife