@transvagmesh
@tastefactory
Boss: You’re fired
Me: No YOU’RE fired
Boss: No
Me: Yeah
Boss: *starts sweating*
You Might Also Like
@tastefactory
@UnfilteredMama
I want my kids to know they can always talk to me about anything going on in their lives.
Except Fortnite.
@Mikecanrant
When I take pictures of cheese I yell “SAY HUMANS!” and me and the cheese laugh and laugh and then I binge eat and cry.
@DirtMcTurd
This girl wants to sing with me but I don’t wanna duet
@Darlainky
Buy living room furniture that matches your petโs hair because, work smarter not harder.
@JediGigi
[walks in to UPS store holding rabid raccoon]
Hi my boyfriend said he wants to take a break so I’d like to ship him this please.
@Bob_Janke
Squirrels don’t want to wear shoes no matter how cold it is I tell the emergency room physician
@ktmcburr
This entire pizza told me thigh gaps are for queers.
@Gupton68
I often offer prayers for my parents to be smiling and happy as they look down on me from heaven, but dad says if I include it again when I’m saying Grace it will be the last time they visit for Thanksgiving.
@ratmobbs
i hate this pandemic if i wanted to waste my early 20s i would have gotten married