@yonewt: God I'm so stupid I was looking all over for my car keys, turns out they were on my head the entire time.
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@gojarbe: [on a date] me: what's your favorite book series about a big red dog? her: uhh Clifford, i guess me: wow we have a lot in common
@TheAlexNevil: 2017 Resolution: spend more quality time with my son *son begins describing his 500 new Pokémon cards* Well, there's always next year
@adilansari: Just got a job opening demanding 13-18 yrs of experience in iOS development. Do they realize that the platform itself is 8 years old?
@cupcakelogic: someone: *obvious flirt* me, oblivious fool: aw they are so nice also me, five years later, waking up in cold sweat at 3 am: WAIT A MINUTE