@yonewt: God I'm so stupid I was looking all over for my car keys, turns out they were on my head the entire time.
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@madmomsdiary: Seriously, Twitter. Do NOT import my contacts.
@brianbowman73: I shot a man in Reno, Just to watch him cry. It was just a Nerf gun you big baby!
@notalogin: What's your WiFi pw? kneeshowerbaseball All caps? Yes; all lowercase. What? It's all caps, but all lowercase. Is there a Starbucks nearby?
@cambuslad: Someone with OCD visited my TL whilst I was napping and now all my tweets seem to be facing the same way.
@david8hughes: [me as a cop] Me: Mrs Hill? Woman: yes Me: it's Ms Hill now Woman: huh Me: ur husbands dead Woman: h-how? Me [hand on her shoulder]: he died
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