@gojarbe: [on a date] me: what's your favorite book series about a big red dog? her: uhh Clifford, i guess me: wow we have a lot in common

@TheAlexNevil: 2017 Resolution: spend more quality time with my son *son begins describing his 500 new Pokémon cards* Well, there's always next year

@adilansari: Just got a job opening demanding 13-18 yrs of experience in iOS development. Do they realize that the platform itself is 8 years old?

@cupcakelogic: someone: *obvious flirt* me, oblivious fool: aw they are so nice also me, five years later, waking up in cold sweat at 3 am: WAIT A MINUTE

@Gizmo_1984: Dear middle finger, thank you for sticking up for me.