[god inventing humans]

angel: what does it do

god: creates, loves, invents…

angel: awesome

god: storms area 51 in the style of an anime character

angel: wtf

god: it also makes quiche

You Might Also Like


“Eat her already!” – Animal watching people kissing


I don’t know who this Rorschach guy is, but he sure likes drawing pictures of my parents not being proud of me!


Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up.

And throw them.


[to guy with his foot caught in a bear trap]
dude that things for bears


*husband lifts up hood of car*
H: Aimee, could you…
Me: *honks horn*
H: *jumps* Damnit Aimee, don’t…
Me: *honk*
Me: *honk*


Give a dad a fish and save him a trip to Costco.
Teach a dad to fish and you can throw wild parties while he’s away on fishing weekends.


me: yeah, i’m into fitness…fitness this whole pizza in my mouth.

executioner: did you plan your last meal around this?


Her: Dude all your selfies look the same.

Me: That’s because it’s me in all of them.


Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.