i hope the maker of this enjoys jail because i’m calling the police
[god making pugs]
What if a football had asthma?
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A Canadian has a bad day:
(Traps a goose, and casts a spell)
Fly my lovely. Be aggressive. Block traffic, and shit everywhere. Be my wrath..
One time i saw a man eat a whole apple, core and everything. Motherboard and power supply too. The man ate a computer it was horrifying
If pedicures were called toe jobs, men would get them, too.
Hey, Honey, I bought you this Peloton bike for Christmas!
Oh, you don’t need a knife, the box is easy to open.
Babe, you definitely don’t need two knives…..
SHE WANTS TO DISCUSS HOW COOL PHOEBE IS, RIGHT?!
COP: *draws gun*
PARTNER: *looking over his shoulder* Someone needs to go to art school. Looks like a platypus.
If I had the power to control people’s minds like Professor Xavier I’d probably just make them get me snacks.
Teacher in online class: Note this down fast.
Friend: what are your 2018 resolutions?
Me: I didn’t even make 1, let alone 2018 of them