A Facebook friend posted 8 pictures of himself fixing a lawnmower, so I drove over and shot him. It just felt like the right thing to do.
God: you’re a jellyfish.
God: you have no bones.
God: and no brain.
God: you’re like 95% water and 5% venom.
God: you’re H2OhNo lol.
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I went to get fingerprinted for my new job, and in hindsight I probably shouldn’t have been so enthusiastic when the tech asked “Have you ever been fingerprinted before?” And my reply was “Oh yeah, for SURE.”
Winter. When trees are bare, and you can see into your neighbor’s yard, and omg, that’s Mrs. Hood’s body he’s putting into their fire pit!
They updated the Raggedy Ann doll to Swaggedy Ann. She comes with an iPhone, divorced parents, and 3 pairs of heelys
Normal Person: *has a bad dream, says “that was weird haha” and goes on with day*
Me: *has a bad dream, thinks of ways to make it into an unusual, horrifying plot for a novel, then get writer’s block, can’t finish it, and say “that was weird haha” and go on with my day*
I gotta say, I’ve never been in an Uber with red and blue lights!
Also, I don’t remember calling for one…
My mother said that I looked “cheap” with my bra showing underneath my clothes – so I took my bra off.
I just found a halloween candy on my lawn and ate it.
So I guess I AM able to live off the land if I ever needed to.
Farmers are always so proud of themselves until you ask if they can put the milk back in the cow
Okay with female deers & drops of golden sun. But always felt that “La” deserved a better identity than “a note to follow So”