@nyquills: God: you're man's best friend
Dog: OMG! Love it!
God: yup
Dog: dynamic duo, partners in crime!
God: well..
Dog: two of a kind, 50/50! we make decisions together!
God: you live in a kennel in the yard
Dog: what
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@UnimpressedWU: [during sex] Hand me my reading glasses
@Book_Krazy: [A pair of crocs sitting on a riverbank] Why do you think people hate us so much? "Idk. I blame the idiots who wear us with socks."
@lilgapeach30: Fine, you drive. I won't tell you how. I'll just yell WE'RE GONNA DIE WE'RE GONNA DIE! I'M GONNA THROW UP AND WE'RE GONNA DIE til we arrive.
@EveInFlow: I watched a horror movie last night and it was scary, but not “some of you are raising children” scary.
@ericsshadow: DOCTOR: *holding $5 bill* what's this for? ME: it's a tip DOCTOR: okay, but you still need to lose weight ME: *hands him $20 bill*
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