@nyquills: God: you're man's best friend
Dog: OMG! Love it!
God: yup
Dog: dynamic duo, partners in crime!
God: well..
Dog: two of a kind, 50/50! we make decisions together!
God: you live in a kennel in the yard
Dog: what
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@KeetPotato: wife: "remember when i said you were too friendly all the time?" me: [making cup of tea] "no im not" burglar: "two sugars please"
@timdonakowski: Pillow fights didn't last as long in the Stone Age.
@bazecraze: Put your family down and pay attention to your phone.
@justjohnselby: [first date] her: any weird habits? me: i switch words at inconvenient times [our wedding] priest: do you take this woman to be your wife? me: do i
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