I’m quitting modelling, I need more job security so I’m going to become a princess.
God: you’re man’s best friend
Dog: OMG! Love it!
Dog: dynamic duo, partners in crime!
Dog: two of a kind, 50/50! we make decisions together!
God: you live in a kennel in the yard
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Just saw a BMW double-parked at the grocery store. Nature is healing.
Groceries be like
KID: I’m a brat!
WILLY WONKA: I am going to have you murdered.
Son: Mom loves me the most.
Daughter: No, she loves me most.
Me: Kids, please stop. I really don’t like either one of you.
Not to brag, but according to my husband I can help with any home improvement project by getting the hell out of the way.
If I were to walk 500 miles and walk 500 more I’d be the man to die from cardiac arrest right at your door
I’m exceptionally good at proofreading after I hit send.
Someone told me that coconut oil is great for sex…
So how much do I have to drink beforehand?
i hate when you have to gather 30 of some random item to complete a quest. like when the laundromat’s $7.50 washing machine is quarters only