My son said he was bored of having to lean over his plate while eating so I said I was bored of having kids and now maybe everyone is crying
*goes 100mph in Prius
*gets pulled over by police
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Everyone is gangsta until they get one sock wet
I encourage my kids to explore art. I insist they know Picasso’s Blue Period had nothing to do with the menstrual cycle of a Smurf.
4: How do you spell no?
Me: Sound it out. What makes the na na na na na na na na na sound?
(Spelling is hard)
I wonder if serial killers watch Criminal Minds like chefs watch the Food Network: “Oh, bad move, I’d have done it this way…”
BUZZFEED: Is Internet Clickbait Dumbing Down Society?
Lick your fingers & stick them in a power socket to learn the shocking answer.
If someone writes you a long email that ends with “Thoughts?” just reply “Nope.”
Ketchup isn’t food.
-words to ruin a toddlers day
My mating call in winter is just me shaving my legs.