@GrantTanaka

*goes 100mph in Prius
*gets pulled over by police
Cop: HOW

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@VisionBored1

My son said he was bored of having to lean over his plate while eating so I said I was bored of having kids and now maybe everyone is crying

@hipchkk

I encourage my kids to explore art. I insist they know Picasso’s Blue Period had nothing to do with the menstrual cycle of a Smurf.

@LurkAtHomeMom

4: How do you spell no?

Me: Sound it out. What makes the na na na na na na na na na sound?

4: Batman?

(Spelling is hard)

@BlondAmbitionTO

I wonder if serial killers watch Criminal Minds like chefs watch the Food Network: “Oh, bad move, I’d have done it this way…”

@WheelTod

BUZZFEED: Is Internet Clickbait Dumbing Down Society?

Lick your fingers & stick them in a power socket to learn the shocking answer.

@birbigs

If someone writes you a long email that ends with “Thoughts?” just reply “Nope.”