[goes up to a pair of identical twins]
so how did yall meet

You Might Also Like


If you want sparkling, sophisticated conversation, catch me early in the month, before I’ve used up my ten free New York Times articles.


My sister texted and asked if she and her kids could come over,

and now I’m frantically looking for a new place to live.


[invention of surfing]

“Stand on this wood so sharks don’t eat you”


met ariana grande today, didn’t have a pen and paper so i had her sign my notes


“You will not marry him! He is not of our kind!”

But we’re in love!

“It is forbidden!”

*whale elopes with submarine*


[first cat being domesticated]

What’s that thing your petting?

“It’s called a cat”

Do they bite?

“Oh ya LOL all the time!”


met this girl online and we’ve been talking for a few weeks… what yall think? 😏😏


I wish I was poplar. No, that’s not a typo. I wish I was a tree.


Me: and this is my house
Friend: what’s upstairs
Me: stairs don’t talk


[Kicks open door to bouncy house]

So anyway I’ve been thinking about what you said last night