Whoever said that collectively women are the fair sex obviously didn’t understand the meaning of fair, or women, or maybe even sex…
*going through mail*
“bills bills bills bills bills”
“I think I’ll unsubscribe from Daily Ducks Magazine.”
You Might Also Like
Overheard by myself while in the bathroom just now:
•”That’s cheating; you can’t jump off that!”
•”You’re using toothpick as a weapon?!”
•”Shh… if we only eat two each, she won’t know.”
•”I bet Mom’s reading a book in there.”
I don’t know who needs to see this but don’t ever answer your phone on your way home from work. They want you to stop at the store.
Instead of a flask I keep a small kitten in my jacket pocket that I pull out for a quick pet whenever I need a pick-me-up.
I’m still not convinced Mitt Romney was born.
I love overhearing dog owners talking to their dogs
eg, I was petting this dog who seemed happy but then suddenly growled at me, so I left
As I turned the corner I could hear his owner saying to him reproachfully, “You always do this, Oscar, you drive away all your friends”
You gotta love Jesus.
He’s born, you get presents. He dies, you get chocolate.
The way I dealt with that unexpected cobweb to the face tells me I probably wouldn’t have been much use in Vietnam.
Life hack: giant marshmallows make cheap teeth whitening strips