@AndrewNadeau0

{Goldfish Funeral}
GOLDFISH 1: We’ll never forget him
GOLDFISH2: Forget who?
G1: What are you talking abo-OH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED TO TEDDY?!

You Might Also Like

@aaronneedshelp

When I die i’m donating half my body to science and half my body to a magician

@Mr_Kapowski

Lady Astronaut: *eats all the chocolate*

Guy Astronaut: You know we’re on the space shuttle for-

LA: SHUTTLE YOUR MOUTH AND GIVE ME SPACE

@SteveAmiri

If I could be any X-Men I think I’d pick Professor X. Don’t really care about the mind-reading stuff I just hate walking.

@simoncholland

Sorry I’m late, I was waiving my hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic.

@Illuminati_Stop

BARACK OBAMA WAS BORN IN 1961. 1+9+6+1= 17. YOU KNOW WHO USED TO BE 17 YEARS OLD? HITLER.

@rockymomax

[me as a disc jockey]
me: call in with any requests
*phone rings*
me: you’re on the air
caller: please stop playing mambo number 5

@dadthatwrites

If you haven’t nervously googled “signs that your child is a psychopath” are you even a parent?