WINNIE THE POOH: There’s a rumbly in my tumbly
ME: Use regular words you half naked glutton
Goldilocks taught me that you can get away with breaking into a brown family’s home and stealing their food, as long as you’re a white girl.
You Might Also Like
[at a loud bar]
HIM: [yelling] DO U HAVE ANY PLANS AFTER THIS?
HER: [also yelling] YES I DO ACTUALLY HAVE PLANTS THAT I KISS
A treadmill is just an expensive version of the ground
Kid: “I want to be a doctor when I grow up.”
Mom: “You can’t. Your hands aren’t cold enough.”
*car isn’t exactly where I thought I parked it*
Someone stole my car.
Him: Choose your weapons.
Him: See? This is why everyone wants you dead.
Why yes, Autocorrect, I AM driving to work in a horse-drawn cabbage.
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them.
It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
Are you watching too much T.V but not doing enough reading? Turn your subtitles on. Boom, problem solved!