@clemdytan: I shot my first Turkey today. Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen food section, it was awesome!

@DanMentos: [commercial] "This commercial is so confusing. I wish they would just tell us what they're selling" narrator: Narrators

@michaelianblack: Internet, just because I bought shoes from you once doesn't mean I'm going to do it again. You're coming across as desperate.

@sparkIy: “WhY ShOuLd wE HiRe YoU??” uh because y’all are hiring lol.. don’t you need some help?

@prufrockluvsong: her: my therapist keeps canceling appointments to go on vacation to who knows where me: [under breath] whereapist