Morpheus: take the blue pill, the story ends. Take the red pill, I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes
Dog: (staring at gray pills) Crap
good prank: sneak into someone’s house every night over a year and replace thier toilet with a slightly larger one until it fills tthe room
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With one icy glare from Wilma, Fred knew. It was not going to be a yabba dabba doo time. It was, in fact, a yabba dabba don’t time.
Hey Siri … find me recipes that use brown mustard, Worcestershire sauce, white rice, and a 13 year old can of creamed corn.
Me: Can I have some of your candy?
3-year-old: Can I have some of your beer?
My views are my own, although they’re heavily based on some stuff Jon Stewart said on TV last night, and the general vibe of the internet.
My little sister graduated high school and her quote i-
I wanna be the reason you get out of bed in the morning, even if it is to make sure the door is locked.
Me: ready to visit grandma?
Toddler: YAY GRANDMA! why is momma crying?
Me: she’s getting ready to visit grandma too.
“Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?“
Lucifer: Are you hitting on me?
My top 5 exercises:
-jumping to conclusions
-flying off the handle
-carrying things too far
-pushing my luck