@Reverend_Scott

Good thing Father’s Day is only one day. I don’t think I could stand to be a father longer than that.

You Might Also Like

@EJGomez

kanye west: beyoncé is the best there is & she’s one of the few true artists of our generation
me:
kanye:
me: how did u get in my room again

@Rhythms_n_Booze

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: Honestly I’m so shit faced I have no idea.

@AmberDonn

The main reason I lost my virginity was to ensure I wouldn’t be sacrificed anytime soon.

@interwebmemes

2016: No way will Trump win the election
2017: No way will President Trump fire all those nukes
2018: No way we’re doing what those Apes say

@CaniacMONK

I hope I get a good grade on my kids science project this year.

@Pork_Chop_Hair

[dog park]
*random dog humps my dog*

Owner: It’s okay! He’s fixed, haha!

Me: Its okay— mine’s a boy.

@AndyAsAdjective

I can’t prove it, but from the sound of it, I’m pretty sure there’s an injured dolphin stuck in my dishwasher.

@AmandaRNH

If I knew I was going to have to homeschool my kids, I would have made sure my husband used a condom.

@FoxCGrandpa

If I had a yoshi I would ride him to work every day.
“Sup bob, see you got a new Kia, guess what I got, a fricken yoshi dude”