@UncleDuke1969: Good thing he found a cart, because that looks really heavy.
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@Buffalojilll: [First day as a detective] Me *pouring a drink*: let's play never have I ever Murder suspect: Me: never have I ever shot a guy Suspect: Me: never have I killed guy... even by accident? *nudges their drink closer* Suspect: dude stop Me: *mouthing* ᵀᵃᵏᵉ ᵃ ˢᶦᵖ
@ThugRaccoons: Me: I have 7 things to tell you about your house. Number 4 may shock you. Customer: You are the worst electrician ever.
@Parker_Simpson: The year is 2065. Every adjective once used to describe another person is now deemed offensive. Noone's left their homes in years.