@UncleDuke1969: Good thing he found a cart, because that looks really heavy.
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@AbbieEvansXO: Him: [handing me $20] here's your Christmas present Me: thanks [handing it back] here's yours
@AlexEllisdon: Was very hungry when I made a wish to the genie I found in a lamp and I had a Freudian slip and now I'm a chicken magnet
@robotmouthfarts: Kill someone with an icecream cone and eat it afterward. They can't convict with no murder weapon. It's the perfect crime. Plus, ice cream.
@uccjeb: Just saw 666 on a license plate and, in case you guys were wondering, Satan drives a Jeep.