*Last week on “Models Who Weren’t Expecting To Be Eaten By Bears”*
JADE: When I was eaten by a bear, I was like what is happening lol
Good: Waking up every day
Bad: in 2020
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My doctor said NO drinking for 2 weeks,then we both laughed.
“What the hell happened to you?”
I got tarred by an angry mob.
“What about the feathers?”
I hugged some ducks to feel better after.
Parents: Your room is a mess.
Me: You really need to see my life.
My mom: Easter is at noon on Sunday.
Me: I’m not religious but I’m pretty sure Easter is all day.
scully: victim died of multiple stab wounds
mulder: *throws her a file* ever heard of the knife alien
Me: There’s nothing better than a quiet evening out with friends after a hectic week.
Tequila: We’re gonna fight every girl in this bar!
Some people don’t realize how grateful they should be that I’m not allowed to carry a sword in public.
Me: *lifts couch cushion*
6yo: what are you looking for?
Me: six thousand dollars
Being a DJ is tough because sometimes iTunes won’t open.