@PhuckinCody

“Goodbye, cruel world.” I say while taking one too many Flinstone vitamins

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@iwearaonesie

*turns TV off*
“THEY HAD CAMERAS EVERYWHERE BUT NOBODY SAW THE TOYS WALKING AROUND?!”

– me every time I watch Toy Story 3

@CatsVsHumanity

Started saying “see ya next year” to everyone. Seems to really creep people out when they have no idea who the hell you are

@elle91

[Interview]
Boss: What’s your greatest strength?
Me: I’m a risk taker
B: Can you give an example?
M: *Passionately kisses boss*
B: omg

@PaulLomax

The most unbelievable aspect of the Star Trek universe is that every ship they meet has compatible video conferencing facilities…

@veronicakallday

What I have learned from dating is that if he shows you affection, talks to you every day, and introduces you to his friends and family, he’s just not that into you

@Dank_Pal

~Little Mermaid family meeting~
Ariel…. We found this hidden in your top drawer.
*places sea cucumber on table*

@rachelaxler

it’s cool how the members of Anonymous are so good at computer stuff, but also wrote so many great poems and inspirational quotations.

@TheNextMartha

Our homeschooling curriculum includes: Honors Laundry and AP Vaccumming.

@PetrickSara

[Married Pillow Talk]

Husband: Tell me what you want.

Me: I want you to fix the kitchen faucet.