21 year old me: i’ll have my shit together when im 31
31 year old me: lmao nope
Goodnight stars. Goodnight air. Goodnight 30-50 feral hogs everywhere
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WTF NEW YORK?!?!?! I carried a paper grocery bag with a baguette in it for BLOCKS and NOBODY FELL IN LOVE WITH ME.
Me: I always quote Eminem lyrics.
M: I can’t tell you what it really is,I can only tell u what it feels like
[first day as Tour Guide in History Museum]
“And if you look over here you’ll see a lot more really old shit.”
*watches Easy Hairstyle tutorial*
*burns neck with curling iron*
*stabs scalp with bobby pin*
*gets hairspray in eyes*
*wears hair in ponytail*
Coworker: crazy weather we’re having
Me: [as loud as possible] SHARON FOR THE LAST TIME I WILL NOT KILL YOUR HUSBAND FOR A BAG OF REDVINES
t-shirt is short for “television shirt”
My dad says that if I don’t stop typing so loudly, he’s gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK
I get hit with a lot of folding chairs for someone that’s not a professional wrestler.
I say “fight me” a lot for a girl that’s 5’2″ and has a tough time opening some doors because they’re too heavy.