How many calories in a glass of white wine?

*45 minutes later*


How many calories in a bottle of white wine?

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Husband: Did you just change from one set of pjs to another?




H: …you look great


Text exchange: me- we need eggs. hub- how many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one.


[walks into interview wearing light up Sketchers]
WALMART INTERVIEWER: whoa I didn’t know corporate was coming


I don’t know why people say life is short….this seems to be taking forever.


I attempted a smoky eye for a Zoom pitch, but instead it looks like I survived a bar fight so I’m going with that story.


Raisins are just grapes pretending not to be past their “sell by” date


I was in my closet and my 4YO walked in right past me, pulled out a box I had NO idea was in there, got out a lollipop and a dinosaur toy he fought his sister for yesterday, put the box back, and walked out.

I am equal parts impressed and terrified right now.


I’m not gonna let something like a restraining order get in the way of a love as special and unique as ours.

Shhhhh. Stop crying.