@stonedcoldlazy: Got a message from the anti virus app on my phone telling me Twitter was safe. Clearly, the app isn't reading your tweets or looking at pics
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@bourgeoisalien: Only death will keep me from you. Or cake. Or Netflix. Or kittens....hold on, I have a list.
@prontopup: Kristen Stewart is proof that if you're making a face and someone slaps you on the back it will get stuck like that forever.