What idiot called her a Hot Indian Girl and not a Bomb Bae
governor said not to attend any gatherings w/ more than 10 people so I guess I’m still on for the smashmouth concert
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Congratulations to Janet Jackson for having a baby at age 50! When I was 50, I wasn’t even strong enough to push a child out of my way.
The cop said it was an outstanding warrant, dad. And you said id never amount to anything
2015: cake by the ocean
2020: the ocean is cake
me: let’s change your diaper
2: oh, no. I couldn’t possibly. I’m late setting up my pacifier scavenger hunt. I must dash!
If I’m old enough to be your mother we can’t date. Just kidding. Go ask for your allowance and buy me a drink.
I’m not afraid of spiders.
I’m afraid of people who are afraid of spiders.
Please stop screaming and put down the hammer.
If you ever lose me at an estate sale, I can usually be found wrestling some old lady named Edith in the kitchen over a ladle and some tongs. Please don’t intervene. I’ve got this.
KID: I’m a brat!
WILLY WONKA: I am going to have you murdered.