If you ever see a ghost DO NOT put a sheet over your head and make noises. They find it offensive.
GRADUATION TIP: Don’t graduate! The real world is terrifying. Hide out in the library. They can’t make you leave if they can’t find you!
You Might Also Like
Anything I have ever learned about One Direction, The Kardashians and Taylor Swift has been completely against my will.
“Well boy,” I yell to my dog, seated in the basket of my pushbike as we plummet to the rocks below, “naming you E.T. clearly wasn’t enough.”
Naming your daughter after a luxury car or precious gemstone is a wager with the universe that your parenting can make her not be a stripper
*shows buyers around my home*
This is where I do all my crying but you can cry anywhere really
Startle and amuse your cat by replacing its kitty litter with Poprocks. (Ladies: feel free to share this idea on your pinny website thing.)
If it takes 13 muscles to smile and 33 muscles to frown, then how can I tell if this girl is flirting with me and not just being lazy?
Learned a lot during my barefoot walk through the forest. Mainly that acorns are the earth’s legos
I always carry a small bottle of Tabasco when I fly. You never know when you’re going to crash in the Alps & have to live by eating people.
Because of Twitter, people use words like Twitterverse, Tweeple, and Twitcide.
Which makes me want to twoot myself in the face.