@LoveNLunchmeat

[Grand Canyon]

*His screams echo as he falls to his death*

OMG THE ACOUSTICS ARE AMAZING HERE! HOW IS THIS NOT A CONCERT VENUE?

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@Book_Krazy

No thanks treadmills. If I want to reach my target heart rate, I’ll just have a panic attack.

@Spaziotwat

There are eleven types of people in the world: those that understand Roman numerals, and those that don’t

@BlindChow

GOD: did u eat from the tree of knowledge?

ADAM: no…it was my girlfriend

GOD: who?

ADAM: u don’t know her she goes to a different school

@pilau

My four year old sent me his first ever text from my wife’s phone and it’s such a great thing that he starts school on Monday

@MariyaAlexander

Fears: dying alone, getting horribly maimed or disfigured, people who stick their tongue out in photos

@DaddyJew

Never trust a psychic wearing a band-aid, they should have seen that shit coming.

@FierceMess

Wanna live a long life? Get married. I guarantee you’ll change your mind real quick.

@possibilyss

You better lock your doors tonight, person who taught my parents texting.