It’s 4:20 do you know what that means?!?
It means only 40 minutes left to get 8 hours of work done.
Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer is my favorite song about how to incorrectly deal with the loss of a loved one during the holiday
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*at a loud house party*
Is this your- I SAID IS THIS YOUR HOUSE? I NOTICED THE DOG BOWL. WHERE IS HE OR SHE, I’D LIKE TO PET HIM OR HER
The ex just asked me how can one have a soulmate if one has no soul?
Wonder which of us he was referring to?
whoa, 4 ferrets stacked on top of one another wearing a trenchcoat!
“no, it’s me devin, from high school?”
wow ok you did not age well
Him: I don’t trust myself round you
Her(flirting): Oh, stop
Him: I bought an iPad on your credit card when you were in the restroom
I didnt know how to tell this guy at Home Depot his fly was down… and he didnt know how to say thanks when I tried to help him zip it up.
“I just ate a vegetarian meal” sounds so much healthier than “I just ate two full sleeves of Oreos.”
Be honest, the only reason our generation played outside more as kids is because we had really shitty graphics back then.
Rapture’s tomorrow. Christians will be flying up into the air to meet Jesus.
Two words: DUCK HUNT