@Amusitr0n: grandmas are always like "not enough meat on your bones" the only reasonable explanation being that at a certain age every grandma starts giving serious thought to cooking her family and eating them
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@DaddyJew: Funny how kids can remember a video game you promised them months ago but ask them to turn off a light 10x and suddenly they're clueless
@DickScurvy: Sorry for releasing thousands of shrieking bats at your wedding. Sometimes I don't know what to do with my hands.
@LittleMissZesty: No matter how good your raspberry body wash smells, don't be tempted to drizzle it over your ice cream. I've been burping bubbles for days.