Being a parent involves saying “this is NOT a democracy” a lot more than I thought it would
Grapes for breakfast it is!
Beautiful, fermented, aged, liquified grapes.
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Called my mom to check on her and we wound up arguing over whether Shrek is Jewish
Sorry but this is a perfect TikTok
If you play any Radiohead song backwards it gives you the directions to a hip little sushi place in New York.
“should i go into the arts?”
“can you imagine yourself doing anything else?”
“then i wouldn’t go into the arts, with no imagination”
I just ate some leftover mashed potatoes out of my hair, and I don’t even remember having mashed potatoes
If life gives you raisins, there’s not much you can do.
Spongebob would be more realistic if he had an abrasive side.
My kids wanted to watch Netflix and I wanted them to go outside so now they’re watching Netflix on my laptop outside
customer: I want something new for my living room
me: do… do you know what antique means