@farleftcoast

Grapes for breakfast it is!

Beautiful, fermented, aged, liquified grapes.

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@LuvPug

If I was a pug, nobody would give me funny looks for slobbering in public or eating food off the floor.

@noog

I wish the entire planet could come together as one and agree to refer to Kanye as Kanye Kardashian so we can bask in his shattered ego.

@seamussaid

when my daughter is mad she points at me and delivers what I can only assume is a gypsy curse

@Bagyants

Shake what yo mama gave you! Oh she just handed you a child. Don’t shake that

@fro_vo

Hillary: if we aren’t careful donald trump could be our next president. Let that sink in
Clinton Aide: *opens door*
Sink: sorry i’m late

@ThaJawn

Dinosaurs probably spelled Tuesday, ‘Ptuesday’

@jewfacekilla

“Wow you’re one of the nicest old ladies I’ve ever met!”- me, loudly to a random old lady so my mom can hear