@jonnysun
@climaxximus
[family get together]
mom: has anyone seen grandmas dentures?
me with 64 teeth: ramma losht hur wat now?
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@climaxximus
@Truculent67
You think your wife is crazy now?
Try divorcing her
@TweetPotato314
Aquaman has to wait a half hour after eating before going on land.
@JimmerThatisAll
I thought it would be good for the environment if I had less grass to waste water on so I put a pool in.
@BGH70
If you’ve ever asked yourself, “what if Cartman grew up and became president?”, well…
@Tachyon100
A big difference between men and women I’ve found is that if a woman says ‘smell this’ it’s likely to smell nice.
@MoistPork
Men: Don’t lie to your woman, she’ll catch you. Don’t tell her the truth, she’ll be pissed. Just pray for a brick to fall on your head.
@carrietini
According to maxipad commercials, all women are full of blue windshield washer fluid.
@AmishPornStar1
Sarcasm…
Because mocking you directly would be rude.
@galvinchow
PASSWORD EVER, USERNAME GREATEST *username/password must each contain at least one numeric character* PASSWORD 9EVER, USERNAME GREATEST6