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@BigJDubz: Ground control: he says he loves you very much
Mrs Major Tom: what's he done this time?
@KateWhineHall: Friend: You know that country song that goes-
@FantastiKelly: My husband gets so mad when I introduce him as my first husband.
@_freebird99_: Her: I don't know what I would do without my kids.
Me: me neither! But probably watch a 26 minute show on Netflix in under 6 hours.
Sloth Man: I'll use my powers to make the criminals fall asleep.
*Runs to bank*
*Reaches bank 18 hrs later*
SM: How'd they escape?
@Henry_3k: You young couples with your dogs, your trial children, you'll learn nothing about parenting because you can never teach a toddler to "sit".