@GoldenSpirals

Growing up,
I knew my Mom meant business when she started yelling words I didn’t know existed.

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@dshack8

Attention people with multiple people in your avi’s:

Draw an arrow pointing to yourself, OR replace it with a cat.

Thanks,
The rest of us

@aka_fatman

Dog Morpheus: Ok, Dog Neo. You take the grey pill, you wake up in your kennel. But if you take the GREY pill – I will show you the Matrix.

@StupiDucker

I am glad that things are opening up again. Now when I get told to go play in traffic, there actually is traffic.

@sophielou

This cheap wine tastes like a fine full bodied Capri Sun

@alienated

PSA for librarians: occasionally check how the World Book encyclopedia is arranged on your shelves

@stephenjmolloy

Undertaker: “What do you want your husbands gravestone to say?”
Wife: “Nothing. I want a traditional, non-talking one.”

@ericsshadow

[Starbucks intercom]

“Will the man that ordered the Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte please pick up your drink. No one is looking.”

@longwall26

Cat Negotiator: Ok, so we’ll shit in a box in your house and you will clean it up
Humans: And you will be a loyal friend
Cat: hahahaha sure