BOB THE BEER DROPPER: I make the worst decisions
ME: hold my beer
Gun control sounds like a dangerous but exciting way to change the channel
You Might Also Like
Just walked into my local court house, they were all sitting around in a circle with black candles and robes trying to summon a jury #funny
Just heard that distinct “baby fell out of the crib and into a pizza that was on the floor” sound
Friend: How’s the wine?
Me: It’s exCHARDONNARY—
Friend: *taking my glass away* No.
My cab driver just described Seattle as “Not that horrible of a place.” Get that guy a job on the tourism board.
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
My husband thinks I’m overzealous with the cleaning, but a friend is coming over and she might look behind the couch. We don’t know.
I ate cereal for dinner because I do what I want. I’m an adult.
Oh did I say adult? I meant poor. It’s because I’m poor.
The Punning Dead.
Seize the day. Take a nap. Knit a sweater. Rob a bank. Take another nap.