A magician begins pulling scarf after scarf after scarf out of his front tuxedo pocket until Steven Tyler slowly fades away from all photos.
Gun people are always like “you can pry it out of my cold dead hands”
Why are you dead in your own story, must not be a very good gun
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Give a man a fish and he’ll say “Sir put that back in the tank.” Teach a man to fish and he’ll say “ok pal, it’s time you left the aquarium”
I love how you changed “Conclusions” to “Learnings” in my PowerPoint. Any other made-up words I should add?
I can’t believe “still uses Winamp” is a pre-existing condition now. This feels personal.
If you’re appraching a 5th wipe you should just take a shower.
911, what’s your emergency?
What do you mean you’ve been stabbed?
People can’t do that, that’s illegal.
As your goth healthcare provider I urge you to drink water. There is nothing more attractive or intimidating than a hydrated goth.
My grandma tries to avoid her neighbor who has a crush on her. This is the exchange they just had:
Him: have you eaten dinner yet
Her: I don’t eat
If I did one of those wine and paint nights the instructor would be like wow look at you, you are really good at wine.
Me: I wish Jim was alive. He was my best friend
Priest: Jim is alive. I saw him yesterday
Me: Yeah I was getting to that part